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Jun. 22nd, 2003 08:13 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
essayelWell it's been a funny old weekend one way and another.
On the one hand I've been paid for dressing up and making pots in the lovely fresh air. That was fun.
On the other hand I have now read OotP. If I say anything about it here I'll be spoilering for anyone who reads this who hasn't got to page 711 (British edition) but I really feel that I need to so I'm going to try something new!
After reading 'that bit' I had a few moments complete and utter shock - I'm dim, I either hadn't really seen it coming or had refused to acknowledge it. Then I thought 'oh well, no more writing FF for me then' then a bit later I got angry then, at about 5 in the morning I found that I had written or dreamed a little ficlet which follows:
I knew it would be bad but I had to do it…I had to go and say what I felt. Besides, I couldn’t help but feel that he shouldn’t be left alone any more than I wanted to be.
The room was dark, firelight playing across the dusty book bindings – that alone would have warned me, he took good care of his books – and the still hands and drawn face of the man by the fire. He appeared to be still, perfectly composed, just gazing into the heart of the fire as though day-dreaming but then he looked up and I saw his eyes.
I had no need to speak, my expression must have told him everything he needed to know and, as ever, he was generous.
“Oh, my dear,” he said and stood and stepped towards me arms extended.
I clung to him, feeling the suppressed tremors that were shaking him, over and over, and his cheek against mine was wet, whether with his tears or my own I couldn’t say.
And as we stood the door behind me opened and a voice said, “Bloody hell, what’re you two snivelling about?”
Remus started in my arms, nearly falling backwards and we both stood and stared.
“But…” Remus faltered, “but you were…” Even then he couldn’t bring himself to say the word so Sirius, cheerfully said it for him.
“Dead? Oh, yeah, that.”
He stepped across towards us, cracked his knee on the arm of a chair, said ‘bugger’ without any real rancour and slipped his long arms around us both.
“Yep, I was dead,” Sirius confirmed, his eyes darkening at the memory, “but only for the Rowling woman. I’m not dead here…not for you.” He grinned down at us both with perfect and impartial affection. “She can’t kill me,” he told us. “I have a life of my own now.”
“I don’t understand,” Remus whispered, puzzled, but the awful drowning grief had gone from his eyes.
“Well..” Sirius paused, trying to put his thoughts in order I supposed. “She doesn’t own us, Ree…well, yeah she gets all the dosh and has all the merchandising rights and all that bollocks but hell, she didn’t write this room, she didn’t put just exactly that strand of white in you hair, that one’s always been my favourite by the way,” he raised a hand to touch a fingertip to Remus temple. “No, the lovely Joanne may have killed me off in her universe but we have another right here.” He turned his head smiled at me and moved his hand to tap me gently on the forehead.
“In here, Remus,” he laughed. “We can be anything we want to be. Isn’t that right?”
I drew my breath in a laugh that came out as at least partly as a sob and I nodded.
“Yes,” I agreed, “anything you want to be.”
“See,” he said triumphantly. “I worked it all out. We can’t die Ree… not while this lady and all her friends love us so much.”
Remus drew a sharp breath then beamed and slipped his arm more firmly around my waist. “That makes me feel so much better about Peter’s silver hand!”
Well...it made me feel better.
On the one hand I've been paid for dressing up and making pots in the lovely fresh air. That was fun.
On the other hand I have now read OotP. If I say anything about it here I'll be spoilering for anyone who reads this who hasn't got to page 711 (British edition) but I really feel that I need to so I'm going to try something new!
After reading 'that bit' I had a few moments complete and utter shock - I'm dim, I either hadn't really seen it coming or had refused to acknowledge it. Then I thought 'oh well, no more writing FF for me then' then a bit later I got angry then, at about 5 in the morning I found that I had written or dreamed a little ficlet which follows:
I knew it would be bad but I had to do it…I had to go and say what I felt. Besides, I couldn’t help but feel that he shouldn’t be left alone any more than I wanted to be.
The room was dark, firelight playing across the dusty book bindings – that alone would have warned me, he took good care of his books – and the still hands and drawn face of the man by the fire. He appeared to be still, perfectly composed, just gazing into the heart of the fire as though day-dreaming but then he looked up and I saw his eyes.
I had no need to speak, my expression must have told him everything he needed to know and, as ever, he was generous.
“Oh, my dear,” he said and stood and stepped towards me arms extended.
I clung to him, feeling the suppressed tremors that were shaking him, over and over, and his cheek against mine was wet, whether with his tears or my own I couldn’t say.
And as we stood the door behind me opened and a voice said, “Bloody hell, what’re you two snivelling about?”
Remus started in my arms, nearly falling backwards and we both stood and stared.
“But…” Remus faltered, “but you were…” Even then he couldn’t bring himself to say the word so Sirius, cheerfully said it for him.
“Dead? Oh, yeah, that.”
He stepped across towards us, cracked his knee on the arm of a chair, said ‘bugger’ without any real rancour and slipped his long arms around us both.
“Yep, I was dead,” Sirius confirmed, his eyes darkening at the memory, “but only for the Rowling woman. I’m not dead here…not for you.” He grinned down at us both with perfect and impartial affection. “She can’t kill me,” he told us. “I have a life of my own now.”
“I don’t understand,” Remus whispered, puzzled, but the awful drowning grief had gone from his eyes.
“Well..” Sirius paused, trying to put his thoughts in order I supposed. “She doesn’t own us, Ree…well, yeah she gets all the dosh and has all the merchandising rights and all that bollocks but hell, she didn’t write this room, she didn’t put just exactly that strand of white in you hair, that one’s always been my favourite by the way,” he raised a hand to touch a fingertip to Remus temple. “No, the lovely Joanne may have killed me off in her universe but we have another right here.” He turned his head smiled at me and moved his hand to tap me gently on the forehead.
“In here, Remus,” he laughed. “We can be anything we want to be. Isn’t that right?”
I drew my breath in a laugh that came out as at least partly as a sob and I nodded.
“Yes,” I agreed, “anything you want to be.”
“See,” he said triumphantly. “I worked it all out. We can’t die Ree… not while this lady and all her friends love us so much.”
Remus drew a sharp breath then beamed and slipped his arm more firmly around my waist. “That makes me feel so much better about Peter’s silver hand!”
Well...it made me feel better.
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Re:
Date: 2003-06-23 12:01 am (UTC)I'm sad too and feel that this book shows a complete departure from the style of the others and that there are a number of small children out there who are going to be very distressed. Also, they'll never be able to film it - it has to be an R for Christ's sake just on the strength of the 'I must not tell lies' scene alone!
*Hugs Cam back* If I were a guy i'd probably accept your proposal as it is I remain your long distance friend.
Re:
Date: 2003-06-23 11:42 pm (UTC)I can see a very slow smutroach hatching though; labeled 'The Second Coming', don't think it has anything to do with what happened in the book. There's a sequel hatching right next to it - fascinating - 'The Second Helping'.
Brilliant! Can't wait to read it!
Am still only on p 600, don't really feel like reading it. Looked at the last page first, and him not being at the Dursleys... looked for confirmation and found it easily enough. Five minutes before I'd told Ryuya 'as long as it's not Sirius... ' still hoping; then I sat down and started crying. He laughed but he did comfort me afterwards. Can't tell him I still feel like crying, he'd be terribly worried.
He started working nights again last night, and now I've got 2-3 hours of time to myself each night, with nothing to do - though I do suspect I'll snap out of it soon enough. I could of course write my thesis... but I think I'd rather obliviate OotP and go back to writing my usual ravings.
I did exactly the same. Standing there in the kitchen, book in my hands and I literally felt all the blood drain out of my head. I must have looked awful because Paul said ' You know don't you?' then 'Well don't tell me because I want to read it myself' so I didn't even have any one to talk to about it.
Seriously thought of not going to the Yule Ball, but we'll just say he got sacked, and I don't think he'll mind.
What...are we cancelling the Saturnalia? Oh Cam! My Sirius will be there with bells on and yours should be too. Give it a while and maybe you'll feel more like it.
Have to go and look after Bre now; she's also feeling really bad as I am I think; but since her icon's a gun, she looks ready to fight back too.
That's the spirit. I've started on the next bit f Watering the Plants. Damned if I'm going down without a fight.
Will Jenny insist on reading it? Somewhere I'm hoping that this book is just so dense, so... I dunno, overripe? that kids will just dump it and say 'too long, too difficult, too boring' after a few chapters, before they get to the really bad parts.
Jenny will! We talked it over and I told her who dies - she was desperate to know - and I am reading it to her. This is good for me too because its making me read it without prejudice if you know what I mean? I still can't say that I'm enjoying it, though.
Keep your chin up and I'll keep in touch xx
Re: Not cancelling the Saturnalia, now more than ever...
Date: 2003-06-24 11:34 pm (UTC)