Ups and downs

[essayel]

Okey dokey flist - and especially those bits of it, if there are any, in their late teens/early twenties.

At what point is it justified for a parent to begin to fret because a child is late? When they have said that they will be home on a certain day, of course? and aren't responding to text or phone messages? and bearing in mind that the child is 20, and in a tent somewhere in Pembrokeshire with a film star goodlooking girl?

To date he's only ten days overdue. I've heard a rumour that he was sighted - just like Sasquatch - in St David's last Friday so maybe I'll just leave it another ten days before I escalate from merely worried to frantic.

To take our minds off it, Jen and I are going to London tomorrow - *flails cuz I'm a country mouse* - and we're going to Camden market so she can pretend to be cool and THEN going to see The Lord Of The Rings musical.

Fingers crossed we don't miss the megabus!

Comments

[fuchsoid.livejournal.com]

I'm sure he'll show up - he may have just mislaid his phone.

I hope you enjoy Camden (my personal recommendation is Marine Ices, just before you Chalk Farm station, but it hasn't really been ice-cream weather lately. To my very great surprise, I've heard very good things of the LoTR musical, especially the sets.

[essayel.livejournal.com]

Apparently he is alive, phone's battery discharged and he forgot that there were call boxes, grrr.

Camden was cool, we never got as far as the ice cream place though, and the show was fantastic - excellently staged and costumed and lit and quite well acted. Jen wants to see it again.

[copperbadge.livejournal.com]

Man. My mum would freak out if I was ten minutes overdue. You're being more than accomodating with Mr. Lateness of Lateside, Late District. :D

[essayel.livejournal.com]

One needs to know how incredibly vague the beast is about time - in this case weeks. Apparently he got in touch yesterday, twice. The first time was to say he was on his way home and could he and his girlfriend be collected from the station. When it was pointed out to him that he was a fortnight late he said 'oh - am I - sorry lost track of time'. Later he rang again to say he'd missed the bus.

[essayel.livejournal.com]

One needs to know how incredibly vague the beast is about time - in this case weeks. Apparently he got in touch yesterday, twice. The first time was to say he was on his way home and could he and his girlfriend be collected from the station. When it was pointed out to him that he was a fortnight late he said 'oh - am I - sorry lost track of time'. Later he rang again to say he'd missed the bus.

I'm saving my hell for him in a jar.

The show was BRILLIANT!! It's bound to travel I think so I hope you get the opportunity to see it. If you want a peep there's some bits online at www.lotr.com.

[http://users.livejournal.com/eljay_/]

Like copperbadge said, you're way calmer about it than my mum would be! I cannot *imagine* the fuss/all hell being let loose there would be if I went AWOL for ten days. And this as a 21 year old university student who's been living away from home for four years. Sigh.

Having said that, odds are on that he hasn't got mobile phone signal if he's camping out and has just lost track of time. :) Expect a grovelling phone call soon...

Enjoy London! I'd love to see the LOTR musical, I hear it's meant to be rather spectacular.

Oh, and hi, btw. :)

[essayel.livejournal.com]

Hi - LOVE the icon.

I'm saving my hell for him in a jar.

The show was BRILLIANT!! It's bound to travel I think so I hope you get the opportunity to see it. If you want a peep there's some bits online at www.lotr.com.

[athousanderrors.livejournal.com]

I'm with the two other folks - my mum would be having fits by now. But, as has been said, if he's camping in cannibal territory the wilderness, chances are he has no signal. And he's a nearly-teenage boy, so...yes.

Hope he's alright. *snuggles you*

[essayel.livejournal.com]

He's all right - grrr- phone battery ran out and he forgot there were such things as call boxes util he needed a lift from the station. Then he rang again to say he'd missed the bus.

I do quite a gentle frantic, saving my real angst for things I can do something about. I'll admit to ringing the local police station for advice and wasn't surprised to hear them do a kind of verbal shrug and say that over the age of 20, in those circumstances, there's not much they are prepared to do unless the kid has a history of depression. I wouldn't really expect them to mobilise for someone who's probably shagging in a field somewhere - which he was.

*hugs* miss you

[erised1810.livejournal.com]

well he or she is technically oldenough to handle themselves except i should give the ma godo wackign over the head for not at least somehow sending yo ua message of 'i'm extending the holiday, see you i nseptember thanks bye'.
lord of the rings WHAT??? MUSICAL? NOOOOOOOOOOOO11!!!

[essayel.livejournal.com]

That was my reaction to hearing about the musical but actually it was far better than I would have believed.

A completely different animal to either book or film and I expect a lot of fans will be howling in outrage but I really enjoyed it.

Kid has finally come home and has been suitably thwapped!

[erised1810.livejournal.com]

emm.....well yo ucan't get me over the edge. singing-wise nothing will beat (was it bily boyd?) withthe stewart of gondor song of which i either dreamed or seriously heard that viggo wrote that hismelf...
good to hear that. although it still makes me giggle and i watnto know where he's been.

[essayel.livejournal.com]

I understand from the cast commentary that Billy Boyd wrote it. Viggo wrote the music to the bit of the Lay of Beren and Luthien in FOTR and the coronation bit in old Numenorean on ROTK.

This hasn't the power of Shore's scaore but it's still pretty good.

My son has been shacked up in a tent in various fields in Pembrokshire with his incredibly pretty girlfriend for the past month. Yeah, I can understand the attraction of that - his dad and I did it plenty of times - but I reckon he could have spared 20p to call home to say they were still alive.

[erised1810.livejournal.com]

oooh!!!that gives me something tomarvel at. yay!! makes tehsinging and the whoel snippet beat the thought of a musica leven mroe ha ha!
um..i have the fotr score. i need the other two like yuesterday though. can't believe i never spenttime to track those down. i guess i'm too used to nto being big on sound tracks...

that's right what i thought. evne if you're completel yengulfed in..whatever coems with atrip like that ittakes a minute to say someting liek thatto the homefront and the nmove on withotu worries.

[mcgonagalls-cat.livejournal.com]

I tend to be a bit pragmatic about things... If one is being treated like a hotel, one begins to charge money like a hotel.

It shows outrageous disrespect for YOU that he can't bother to let you know he is still breathing. (It's not like the world is all fluffy bunnies and something huge and awful couldn't have happened.) If someone wants the "perks" of being an adult, they have to also have the responsibilites.

The problem enters the equation when you realize that YOU are the one in the no win situation.

If you put your foot down and tell him to have consideration or leave, you have a gamble that he will choose "leave", which will make you feel awful. (It usually takes an offspring who chooses to tell you to stuff it quite a few years to come to their senses and then a couple more to get their ego out of the way enough to try to create a relationship again. In that time YOU are the one suffering and he will be oblivious.)

If you blow you stack and yell at him, you lose again. The whole house is disrupted, lots of bad feelings all over, and the outcome can be the same as above.

If you do nothing, it MIGHT make him crazy, but you still end up feeling bad, and he will probably do it again.

You could always put in a missing person report to Official places, but then you're stuck dealing with all that government red-tape and its ramifications...and there is the "cry wolf" aspect that could lable you a crazy person to be ignored later on.

So, YOU lose no matter what.

How brave are you? Do you hurt enough to hold him accountable for his actions (no matter what he choses to do in response)? That would be best for his growth, but it is supremely tough to do.

An apology is not enough. He's technically an adult, how can he make it right? Do you guys pay for his school? Perhaps he needs to take that on since he is taking on coming and going as he pleases with no consideration for you. If he is going to treat you like the hired help instead of people who love and care about him, perhaps he needs to pay rent, buy his own food, do his own laundry (not using the household's resources), and so on.

I was in a similar place a few years ago. My son got far to big for his britches. At one point I almost called the cops on him - he seemed to think bringing illicit substances into the house, putting everyone and everything at risk, was a decision he could make. Without yelling or threats, I told him he had a choice to make, to live in a manner that was safe for the household or he would have to leave the household. He, of course, thundered around and acted like a total jerk and attempted to continue in his chosen ways, so I had to throw him out. He went to other family members with stories of how awful it was and generally acted like an idiot. After a while one or two of them did a little butt-kicking, too. It took a few more years, but he finally grew up and came to his senses. He's ok now, but I know it was harder on me than on him.

[essayel.livejournal.com]

All very sound advice.

Since I posted the jerk has actually come home, after ringing at quarter to midnight to ask if someone could drive 80 miles to collect him and his lady since they had missed a train. We regretfully declined and they turned up at six the next morning having caught the milk train.

I caught them trying to climb silently through the front window.

I let them sleep then thwapped him good and hard and he was suitably apologetic. But then he's very good at that.

At the moment we're supporting him until he gets a job. Fingers crossed he does it soon.