Slightly bemused

[essayel]

As I go from place to place on the 'net I'm being offered entries into a lottery for a green card. Now, even assuming this isn't some kind of scam designed to fleece 3rd world citizens, what on earth would I do with a green card. Just because I won one it doesn't mean that I have any skills that the US of A would cherish. I bake a fantastic steak and kidney pie and can natter on about various aspects of UK history but they are scarcely relevant. I'm too lazy to be anyone's maid and far too politically incorrect to be a nanny. I dislike driving. I'll get my legs waxed the day my husband does. I can express liberal and reactionary views in the same sentence and not mean either. I really don't think I'd be an asset to the work force.

Ooh - unless - is there much call for English accents on the telephone? I think I could make quite a good sex line dominatrix. "You been a verrrrry naughty boy!"

*giggles* now I have to put that in a story.

Comments

[alpheratz]

Green card lotteries are a real thing, but AFAIK there are way fewer spots being given out now than there were in the 90s. Ten-fifteen years ago I knew a whole bunch of Russian families who won the lottery, but I haven't heard of anyone winning it recently. They might be weighted towards other countries now, I guess.

Also, I realize you're being flippant here, but, well, that's kind of a narrow view of the US. We have women who don't shave their legs here too, and many number of immigrants (like me!) who've found a place here.

(Also, people here definitely like English accents!)

[essayel]

Good to hear that you've found your place and love it.

A lottery seems such a random way to organise immigration. I was reading up on the requirements for people applying for green cards [for a novel]and they make all kinds of demands about the amounts of money one has to bring, and the kinds of jobs one can apply for. Yet they run a lottery where, presumably, just anyone can win. I'm assuming it's a modern application of the American Dream. If it actually works, grand. I'm just brain washed into assuming that any advert I see popping up while I browse is on a par with those stupid "This simple secret to whitening your teeth will shock you" things.

[surexit]

I get quite pissed off by those adverts, to be honest. Dear Internet: not everyone is either American or wishes they were, k?

[kc-risenphoenix.livejournal.com]

ROTFL!

[essayel.livejournal.com]

:)

[eglantine-br.livejournal.com]

Don't laugh too much. I heard of an Englishwomen who did that.

[essayel.livejournal.com]

Oh, I bet. I've seen so many references to Supernanny in that context, it's inevitable.

[lee-rowan.livejournal.com]

Don't laugh, you probably could do just that. It's surprising how many American ads use British voices because British English tends to sound more authoritative. (Of course, with the Weaselys, there's now a generation of Yank youngsters who thinks that's the way most of you talk...

[essayel.livejournal.com]

TV and movies inform most of what we know about each other's countries. Here, of course, I can drive 15 miles and hear 3 different local accents. (http://www.bbc.co.uk/voices/recordings/) Dunno if that will work, hope so. It's interesting hearing the variations over such a comparatively short distance.

[essayel.livejournal.com]

:D, well if the museum chucks me out for never letting the facts spoil a good story I know where to come.

[anteros-lmc.livejournal.com]

I've never been offered a green card but one recent spam comment on my work blog informed me:

"Its amazing how much more attention I receive from the other gender when I have a squirrel feeder!"

My mind she is still boggling.

[essayel.livejournal.com]

Dear lord, what kind of squirrel feeder would that be? What kind of squirrels? Or maybe it's the replacement coded phrase for etchings?

"Hey - you want to come back to mine and watch me feed my squirrel?"

[anteros-lmc.livejournal.com]

My bemusement knows no bounds!

[eglantine-br.livejournal.com]

He has an enormous...squirrel feeder?!

[anteros-lmc.livejournal.com]

I'm trying really hard not to make an appalling joke about nuts and nibbling....

[eglantine-br.livejournal.com]

Hee.